


With a Step Forward, I'm Closer to Reaching You - Rin

by Chezmeralda



Series: With a Step Forward, I'm Closer to Reaching You - Companion Pieces [4]
Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Gen, Reflection, Self-Reflection, Unrequited Love, also not a coherent story, so it won't make sense otherwise, this is merely a side piece, unrequited rinharu so don't come here if you wanted proper rinharu, which purpose is for a more in depth understanding for my main fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-22
Updated: 2014-11-19
Packaged: 2018-02-18 10:21:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2344892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chezmeralda/pseuds/Chezmeralda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rin's side to my MakoHaru fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fall Apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is depressing, and hopefully we can shed some light on how Rin feels about this.

"How am I supposed to now?" Haru yelled. "How am I supposed to now when I ruined everything?"

Rin felt his body grow cold as Haru hurled those words at him. He looked at him with a numb gaze. "I don't know, Haru. That's something for you to figure out," he said lowly, menacingly as he turned to leave. "Talk to me when you have your head on straight," he slammed the door behind him.

Rin didn't stop running until he was out of Haru's house and about halfway to the train station. It was only then that he started to slow down, catch his breath, and really start to feel anything about what he said to Haru.

 _"What makes you think you deserve Makoto?"_ was what Rin had said. _Fucking, good job, Matsuoka,_ he thought to himself as he rubbed his hair in frustration. It was one thing to lecture a guy, but to kick someone while their down is another. 

And Haru was more than down.

Rin felt a frustrated yell rip out his throat as he walked along the beach, looking out at the rolling surf. The ocean had a calming effect on him as he continued slowly, looking out at the ocean that didn't change with time.

_"I think you and Haru would be good together."_

Those words floated into Rin's head as he continued to stare at the steady lull of the waves. He sank to the ground, huddling his knees close to his chest as he thought of his conversation he'd had with Makoto a few weeks before he'd told them he would be studying in Tokyo.

_"Huh? You like Haru?" Makoto said, staring at him with surprise and something else in his eyes that Rin couldn't quite place. Rin nodded as he took a nervous sip of his milkshake, unable to take Makoto's gaze after what he'd just admitted. "I'm happy for you, Rin, but why are you telling me? Shouldn't you be telling Haru?"_

_Rin sighed and put down his drink. "Well, yeah. But you're his best friend right?" he said as he looked at Makoto. "If anyone would know anything, it would be you." Rin watched as a dark emotion flashed across Makoto's face, before it was quickly replaced with a thoughtful one._

_"Are you asking me if I know if he likes anyone?" was what Makoto said quietly as he watched Rin, looking amused._

_"Uh, I," Rin stuttered, flustered by Makoto's pinpoint remark. "Well, it's not... I just... Well, uh... Yes. Yeah, I guess that is what I'm asking." He felt a blush creep up at his neck and radiate through his ears as Makoto smiled at him._

_Makoto hummed at him, thinking. "We don't really talk about stuff like that," Makoto replied after a while, and Rin could feel his shoulders sag involuntarily. "But," Makoto continued happily, and Rin perked up. "I do know that he treats you differently from everyone else."_

_Rin blinked, before looking away, clearly embarrassed and more than elated at what Makoto said. "You think so?" he managed, and he could feel Makoto smile at him with encouragement._

_"You won't know for sure until you confess to him, right?" Makoto replied, patting Rin's hand gently as he sipped at his tea. Rin grumbled something incoherent at him about how that was easier said than done, and Makoto laughed affectionately at him. "It'll be fine, I'm sure he'll accept your confession."_

_Rin peered at him from under his lashes, and Makoto looked at him with concern. "What's wrong?" Makoto asked, looking at Rin carefully._

_"You don't think it's weird?" he felt small as he said it, keeping his head down. "That I like Haru?"_

_Makoto blinked at him again before leaning back in his chair. "You mean do I think it's weird that you like boys, Rin?" he asked, and Rin could literally feel Makoto smile when he knew that he'd pinpointed where his question was coming from, yet again. "No, I don't. I think I'm a little weirder, to be honest," Makoto admitted after a while._

_Rin looked up at him when he heard Makoto say this. "What do you mean?" he said after a while._

_"Well, I sort of... like both? I guess?" Makoto continued, looking away, his turn to be embarrassed._

_Rin shook his head, frantically. "No, I don't think it's weird. I think it suits you, you were always good with everyone," he replied, and Makoto looked back at him, relieved._

_"I'm glad," Makoto said quietly, and Rin didn't need anymore words from him to know that he was probably really relieved right now. "I think you and Haru would be good together."_

_Rin smiled when Makoto gave his approval._

Rin stared at the ocean as he continued to play their conversation over in his head again, sighing as he sat there. 

Makoto had been so encouraging when he'd admitted his feelings, and he'd gone and royally messed it up. Not that Rin didn't think Haru didn't need to hear what he had to say, the guy was practically losing touch with reality, but maybe he could have worded it differently?

Rin scratched his head as he felt the frustration creep back, grumbling at the ocean. No, Haru needed to hear what he had to say the way he said it, Rin decided. He figured Haru wouldn't have listened otherwise if it had been said kindly.

If it had been said like how Makoto would have said it.

Rin felt himself get more and more depressed with his thoughts. Makoto had even asked that he take care of Haru, while he wasn't there, and yet...

 _Haru_ , the name echoed in Rin's head. He really did like him, but he began to feel like just liking him just wasn't enough anymore.

They hadn't even been dating for that long, having broken up a month after they started. Rin began to think if it was really worth it. Did Haru even like him during that month? Did Haru even like him when he'd confessed, and when he'd accepted?

Was Makoto wrong about how Haru felt?

Rin thought back to when he figured it out, when he'd guessed how Haru felt. He only really figured it out after they'd broken up, when they'd gone back to how things were before he'd confessed, that he'd started to really see what was happening.

It made Rin feel like he was actually blind.

All the signs had been right there. The way Haru's eyes lit up when everyone received their daily text from Makoto, the way his expression changed when he stared out into seemingly nothing, as if thinking, contemplating, wishing for something.

At how he'd acted when Makoto left. 

Rin thought back to the Obon festival, when they'd found Haru crying in his room, utterly broken when Makoto had definitely rejected him. 

Would he have turned out that way, too, if Haru had rejected him?

"So dumb," Rin muttered, at no one except himself. His thoughts were getting him no where except more depressed. He stood up and began to walk towards the station. 

It was only once he reached the station did he realize that Haru probably never would have figured out how he felt if Makoto had stayed, and Rin had to blink back tears at his realization.

Haru would have continued to move along, together with Rin, if Makoto hadn't decided to leave for Tokyo. 

Makoto would have had to stand silently next to them as he watched them grow close to one another, grown to love one another.

Rin would have lived life in ignorance, thinking that Haru really loved him, if Makoto hadn't left.

Haru would have lived not knowing that something was wrong, if Makoto hadn't left.

Rin covered his mouth, feeling upset at his thoughts. Makoto must have felt something for Haru then, when Rin and him had talked. Makoto must have pushed them together so that he could move on. Rin couldn't find it in himself to hate him, not when he knew that he couldn't have predicted...

All of this. 

Not when he couldn't have guessed that Haru was clueless to his own emotions. Not when Makoto had truly thought they would have been happy together.

"We're all idiots, aren't we?" he muttered to himself as he got on the train.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, it's my headcanon that Makoto's bisexual. Sorry not sorry.
> 
> And now that this piece is up, yes I will update the other story. Finally. Woooo! The companion series isn't done, but now is a good time to start updating the main fic, now that everyone's got a bit of insight of where the characters are in the story.


	2. Hungover and Confused

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so maybe Rin shouldn't have drank that much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rin's side after the party, feat. phone conversation with Nagisa and finally some more SouGou because WOW also I feel like I copped out on RinAi AGAIN
> 
> or right after chapter 17 and a bit before chapter 18

Rin, no matter how much he would say it to himself, never seemed to learn that drinking in the presence of a certain Hazuki Nagisa was never, _ever_ a wise decision. If the splitting headache weren't telling enough, Rin was also pretty positive he and Nagisa redefined their personal boundaries yet _again_ to the amused horror of their friends as they watched.

The sudden throb in his head caused Rin to groan, and he slapped a hand (gently) over his eyes to keep light from coming in.

_"Nagisaaaaa," Rin whined a bit as the head of blond fluff attempted to burrow further into his shoulder._

_"Rin-chaaaan," Nagisa whined back, "let's gooooo."_

_Rin blinked and turned not too gracefully, causing both he and Nagisa to fall on the couch in a heap of tangled limbs. He wasn't too sure, but he could hear someone call the both of them 'messy drunks'. "We can't go, it's two in the morning, I'm drunk, you're drunk, we can't drive and no one wants to take us."_

_"But I want french fries," Nagisa had always been obnoxious about food, but this was a whole new level. Rin would have been more annoyed by, but he was just as hungry for junk food as Nagisa was currently. "I want burgers, and potato chips. I want to put grease and fried, crunchy things in my belly."_

_Both of them turned to look at Rei, who was holding water bottles and plastic bags 'just in case'. "I cannot drive you, and will not drive you," he remarked. "The both of you are beyond inebriated, if you were to vomit in my car-"_

_"We would clean up, Rei-chan, but this is important!" Nagisa cried, sliding off of Rin and nearly pulling him to the ground as he made a grand show of standing up. "We will die if we don't get junk food. Sou-chan ate all the shredded cheese and-"_

_"One, I can hear you. Two, since when are we on the terms of 'Sou-chan'. Three, I wasn't about to share," Sousuke called from the recliner, curled up and nestled deep in the plush cushions._

_"Oh, I'm sorry, Sou-chan, you could hear me?" Nagisa said sweetly. "Perhaps now I will SAY IT LOUDER. REI-CHAN, ME AND RIN-CHAN NEED-"_

_"Ngaaaaaaaahhh, Nagisa!" Rin barked from his position on the couch. "Forget it, it's not happening. Everyone here sucks."_

Rin heard his cell ring, the high tone piercing through his skull and he almost wished he had enough energy to throw it across the room. He recognized that tone, though. No one else would have the nerve of setting that ringtone. "What?"

"Rin-chan, you're so mean," he could hear crunching in the background, and he figured Nagisa finally managed to whittle Rei down enough to get his some chips. "I call first thing to check up on you. Least you could do is say hello."

"Hello. What?" Rin grunted, letting his face fall into the pillow.

"So I heard," Nagisa crunched on some chips and Rin had to count to ten to keep his anger from building, "that Sou-chan and Gou-chan- WHOA THAT RHYMED!"

" _Nagisa_ ," Rin growled through the phone as Nagisa's sharp, loud, grating laughter echoed over the receiver.

"Sorry, sorry. Right," Nagisa coughed after a while, chuckles still cutting through his speech. "So I heard, from _somewhere_ that they _MIGHT_ be going out... later... _this week_."

Rin sat up, ignoring the wave of nausea that hit him, even though the room spinning wasn't a good sign. "What?!" his voice cracked into the phone, a bodily protest of the abuse he put himself through.

Nagisa sounded like he was humming, obnoxiously. Rin counted to ten slowly, to make sure he wouldn't crush the phone in his hands. "Rin-chaaaan," Nagisa sing songed into the phone. "Sou-chan and Gou-chan are going out later this week. Just thought I should let you know."

"Who told you?" Rin snapped, using the pounds in his head to count and keep calm.

"Ai-chan did!" Rin slowly opened his eyes. "He overheard Gou-chan asking when Sou-chan was free during the party, and I got him to tell me."

Rin couldn't find it in himself to be more suspicious of how close Nagisa and Ai had suddenly become, he was too concerned about how he was going to deal with his best friend and his little sister possible going out. Together. _On a date_. "I have to go," he gritted through his teeth, and he hung up the phone before he could even dignify Nagisa's response.

He pushed the buttons and held up the phone to his ear. "Hello?" he heard.

"Sousuke!" he barked, and he heard a quiet sigh on the other end. "What is this I hear about you going out with Gou?"

"Rin..." he sounded tired, he was probably feeling the affects of all the alcohol he drank the night before like Rin was. "Can we not do this now?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that we were just going to ignore the fact that you _plan on going out with my sister_ ," Rin's voice dripped with venom at every word. "Or were we just going to glaze over the fact that both of you are hiding things behind my back."

"Can you blame us Rin?" Sousuke sounded frustrated, put out by the whole thing. "Gou knows how protective you get of her, and you've been busy with work, and swimming, and everything else. Plus I hear something about you and that Nitori guy..."

Rin blanched over the phone. "There i-is nothing going on between me and Ai!" he stuttered, ignoring the chuckle he heard from Sousuke on the other end. "We've just been... talking more."

"Right," he hated how Sousuke sounded so indifferent, so _disbelieving_. "Well, that's just the same thing with Gou and myself. We just move faster than you."

"Don't go saying things about fast movement with my sister!" Rin's voice cracked at the end from the abuse, and he got up to get a water for himself. This headache wasn't going away _now_. "I can't believe you two. Going behind my back. I thought you, out of all people, would tell me if something was going on with you, with my _sister_ , but-"

"Do you really hate the idea of us that much?" Sousuke cut in. Rin blinked as he pulled a water out of the fridge.

"What?"

"If you don't like it, I can cancel the whole thing right now. Call off our date later this week. Forget all of this. Is that what you really want?" Sousuke muttered into the line.

"You giant wad, if you dare to cancel on my cute little sister-" Rin bit out.

"Rin, you're avoiding my question," Sousuke cut him off, voice stern.

Rin bit his lip as he thought about it. "Well, no... I mean... I trust _you_ and I trust _her_ but it's just-"

"It's just what, Rin?" Sousuke sounded almost patronizing, like he was talking to a child, and Rin wasn't too sure how to feel about that. If he had the sense and lack of headache, he might have found it in himself to feel indignant.

"I... I-I don't know! It's weird!" Rin blurted. "It's instinctive with Gou! She's my sister. But it's you, and you're my best friend, and I know you're not a giant douche wad. It's just..."

"It's just that she's your baby sister, right?" Rin blushed as he heard Sousuke chuckle. "I know, I get it. I'm protective of her, too. But Rin, you know she's doing well for herself."

"I know..."

"You know that she can handle herself."

"I _know_..."

"Then what's the problem?"

Rin sighed. He didn't he'd be having deep, thoughtful conversations with his best friend while hungover. Drunk, yes, maybe. "It's just, we were so young when dad died. I feel like I had to be there for her," he slumped against the fridge door as he spoke, feeling all the emotion that he knew always came up with this topic. "But I wasn't, you know? I kind of suck as an older brother."

"You don't, Rin," Sousuke murmured. "Your sister cares about you a lot. She knows."

Rin hated that his emotions were practically attached to his tear ducts. Angry? Tears. Happy? Tears. Sad? Obviously tears. He could feel them burn at his eyes now, and he swallowed thickly. "She's a better sister than I am a brother."

"Rin, don't cry," Rin wanted to get mad at him, because asking him _not_ to cry was basically like asking someone not to look down. 

"If you hurt her, I'm going to punch you in the face," was all he managed.

Sousuke chuckled a bit. "And I'll let you, right in the jaw," he replied. Rin felt himself smile despite his impending tears. He sighed a bit.

"Sousuke," he muttered. "Thanks."

"Don't thank me," Sousuke laughed. "By the way, what _is_ up with you and Nitori?"

Rin looked up at the ceiling, fluorescent lights hurting his eyes. "I... I don't know," he stuttered.

"Do you like him?"

"Well, he's _nice_ -"

"Rin, that's not what I asked," Sousuke always knew when to cut to the chase. Rin sighed. What could he say, really? He heard Sousuke begin to snicker on the other end. "You'll figure it out, don't stress out too much."

Rin could feel himself grumble at the back of his throat. "Bye Sousuke." He hung up. Rin let his eyes flutter closed as his thoughts drifted. To Ai, of all people. Of all things affecting him currently. He felt his phone vibrate.

_Rin-san! If you have a hangover please take some ibuprofen and orange juice. Drink water before you go back to bed. Take care._

Rin allowed himself a small smile as he replied. _Thanks for the advice_ before hitting send and getting up to get juice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah definitely copped out on the rinai fuck i suck i'm sorry (GOAL IS TO DO BETTER BY YOU GUYS)


End file.
